We're slowly getting settled in, it'll be nice though when we have all of our household goods. I've been planning meals for the week and then realizing that a particular dish won't work because I don't have (insert kitchen item here). Last week it was a rolling pin, this week it was a large enough pot to make soup. And I'm sooo tired of the white walls. I want my pictures, the art work, my clock!! And I'm not going to lie it's tempting to buy some of the stuff, like a clock, but I keep asking myself why buy it when I've already got one that I love? So I'm waiting...
I don't really have a lot to say right now, I've been sorting through some personal things and keeping a lot to myself as I muddle through them. In trying to keep my inner struggles I've been shutting a lot of people out. It's not intentional, but unfortunately something I'm working through alone. And I'm getting there, so hopefully the words and thoughts will start flowing freely again soon.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
We Have a House!!
Today was an awesome day, we signed for our keys to our apartment!!! Silly me I forgot to take pictures though... We had an appointment at 2pm to look at a place on post and decided we liked it and signed for the keys right away. I had been dreading living in the hotel for a month or more and wondering how we were going to feel after eating out for all the time. (Since we have Nigel we couldn't get one of the nicer rooms that's bigger and has a kitchenette... Oh well, he's worth it!)
We have the keys, and could *technically* live there, but there's no furniture and since we don't have a car yet, but that'll happen soon as we've already paid some down on the car and have a receipt for that, we don't really have a way to move Nigel over there other than walking and well we REALLY don't want to haul all of our crap on the bus or walk it over there. Besides Housing's paying for us to stay in the hotel until we have furniture. Our loaner furniture will be delivered on Monday morning. So Seth will get to do that while I'm getting my driver's license.
There are a couple of minor things we noticed walking through the house that need to be fixed, a burnt out light bulb and a loose knob to hang towels on, so DPW will come on Tuesday to fix those. I have no idea when we'll get our internet hooked up, rumor going around is that it takes a month or longer to get it so we may not have internet at home for a while. I will still have my phone to check email and facebook messages and posts. (I got an iPhone and I love it!!! Seriously I've had it less than 2 weeks and it's amazing. Everyday I learn more and more about it.)
Okay, the basics of the house, it's 2 bedroom which is all we qualify for based on Seth's rank and no kids. It is on the 3rd floor so Nigel and I will have to walk up and down stairs, which will be good for us. (If I keep telling myself that it'll be true right?)
The kitchen is brand new, no one else has ever used the kitchen. The appliances are all brand new; it's an electric stove and has both 110v and 220v outlets. Of course most of my kitchen stuff is 110v, but we have a couple of things that are 220v left over from Korea. And there are at least twice as many cupboards as we had in Korea. It's a tiny kitchen as far as floor space and really 2 people in there will be tight, but when I'm cooking Seth isn't usually in there much anyway. The problem would be if I try to cook big dinners like Thanksgiving and Christmas and have people over. I'll make it work when it comes time. There is a window with a small ledge and I'm already thinking of picking a couple different herbs and trying to grow in there.
There is a small balcony off of the living room, we'll be able to have a couple chairs and maybe a small table out there and if I decide to try container gardening again there will be room for that. The living room itself is pretty decently sized, we aren't going to be able to have a ton of furniture, but we don't really need lots of furniture either. And the living room isn't separated from the dining room, but we will need to figure out something for a table because Seth already hit his head on the hanging chandelier that is meant to hang over the table. There are wood floors in the living room, dining room and bedrooms.
The bathroom is good sized and has a few cupboards for towels, all my hair and makeup crap and maybe linens. I will miss the cast iron bathtub from Korea, but I'll live. Our new bathroom has a towel warmer!! I'm completely shocked and can't wait to see how that works out. I'd never even thought of such a thing before. There's one sink, a toilet (one that hopefully doesn't flood every other week) and a medicine cabinet. I think it's a tile floor if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong. I believe it's wired 220v and 110v, but I know there's 220v for sure.
The guest bedroom is on the small size, but my plan is to fill it with a futon (and I have plans to make that more comfortable when/if we have guests) and book shelves. There are a few cupboards in there for a closet, and it's all 220v in there.
Our bedroom is 220v as well. Which is good to know because I need to get some sort of reading lamp and we need a new alarm clock. Our bedroom is larger than the guest room, obviously, but on 2 walls it is already lined with cupboards and closet areas. I am really glad because now we won't have to worry about dressers until we get back Stateside! We could fit a king sized bed in there, but we've decided to buy a queen and give ourselves a little room. I'm thinking of building simple bookshelf looking night stands, but we'll see.
I've been planning in my head already how everything is going to be laid out, which might be a little crazy because well really we don't have any furniture. I think tomorrow we're going to go to the Pxtra and see about ordering a bed, then we won't have to sleep on the loaner bed too long. The loaner is only a double and if it's anything like it was in Korea it's going to be rock hard. That I am not looking forward to! But it'll be our house!
I keep telling Nigel we have a house and we'll be moving. He just kind of looks at me blankly, like maybe I've lost my mind and then wagging his stub to humor me. I get the feeling it's very much a "humor the crazy lady" kind of deal. Oh well, he'll see what I mean soon enough!! The thing he's going to have to get used to is no yard, okay maybe I will too, but he'll have to be walked to go outside, not just run out the door.
Well that's today's big excitement. Hopefully we can get our car this weekend. We bought a 1995 Mercedes C200, it's a manual so we get to go through the wife trying to teach the husband how to drive a manual. I've already gotten permission from Seth's sponsor to call him in to teach if I get too frustrated. Seth might want to any way because he has a nice 2009 BMW 123i. Our car won't be much to look at but we can say we've owned a Mercedes and it runs well. That's the important thing, it will get us around while we're here. (We are still talking about purchasing a new BMW sometime down the road before we leave Germany though, so we'll see. How often are we going to have the chance to buy a brand new BMW for the price we could buy a Chevy or a Ford in the US? Not often and since it is our dream car, we're still thinking about it.)
Okay so I'm rambling, that means it's time for bed. When I finally remember to take pictures of the place I'll post them. Hopefully I can fall asleep! I'm still pretty excited!!!
We have the keys, and could *technically* live there, but there's no furniture and since we don't have a car yet, but that'll happen soon as we've already paid some down on the car and have a receipt for that, we don't really have a way to move Nigel over there other than walking and well we REALLY don't want to haul all of our crap on the bus or walk it over there. Besides Housing's paying for us to stay in the hotel until we have furniture. Our loaner furniture will be delivered on Monday morning. So Seth will get to do that while I'm getting my driver's license.
There are a couple of minor things we noticed walking through the house that need to be fixed, a burnt out light bulb and a loose knob to hang towels on, so DPW will come on Tuesday to fix those. I have no idea when we'll get our internet hooked up, rumor going around is that it takes a month or longer to get it so we may not have internet at home for a while. I will still have my phone to check email and facebook messages and posts. (I got an iPhone and I love it!!! Seriously I've had it less than 2 weeks and it's amazing. Everyday I learn more and more about it.)
Okay, the basics of the house, it's 2 bedroom which is all we qualify for based on Seth's rank and no kids. It is on the 3rd floor so Nigel and I will have to walk up and down stairs, which will be good for us. (If I keep telling myself that it'll be true right?)
The kitchen is brand new, no one else has ever used the kitchen. The appliances are all brand new; it's an electric stove and has both 110v and 220v outlets. Of course most of my kitchen stuff is 110v, but we have a couple of things that are 220v left over from Korea. And there are at least twice as many cupboards as we had in Korea. It's a tiny kitchen as far as floor space and really 2 people in there will be tight, but when I'm cooking Seth isn't usually in there much anyway. The problem would be if I try to cook big dinners like Thanksgiving and Christmas and have people over. I'll make it work when it comes time. There is a window with a small ledge and I'm already thinking of picking a couple different herbs and trying to grow in there.
There is a small balcony off of the living room, we'll be able to have a couple chairs and maybe a small table out there and if I decide to try container gardening again there will be room for that. The living room itself is pretty decently sized, we aren't going to be able to have a ton of furniture, but we don't really need lots of furniture either. And the living room isn't separated from the dining room, but we will need to figure out something for a table because Seth already hit his head on the hanging chandelier that is meant to hang over the table. There are wood floors in the living room, dining room and bedrooms.
The bathroom is good sized and has a few cupboards for towels, all my hair and makeup crap and maybe linens. I will miss the cast iron bathtub from Korea, but I'll live. Our new bathroom has a towel warmer!! I'm completely shocked and can't wait to see how that works out. I'd never even thought of such a thing before. There's one sink, a toilet (one that hopefully doesn't flood every other week) and a medicine cabinet. I think it's a tile floor if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong. I believe it's wired 220v and 110v, but I know there's 220v for sure.
The guest bedroom is on the small size, but my plan is to fill it with a futon (and I have plans to make that more comfortable when/if we have guests) and book shelves. There are a few cupboards in there for a closet, and it's all 220v in there.
Our bedroom is 220v as well. Which is good to know because I need to get some sort of reading lamp and we need a new alarm clock. Our bedroom is larger than the guest room, obviously, but on 2 walls it is already lined with cupboards and closet areas. I am really glad because now we won't have to worry about dressers until we get back Stateside! We could fit a king sized bed in there, but we've decided to buy a queen and give ourselves a little room. I'm thinking of building simple bookshelf looking night stands, but we'll see.
I've been planning in my head already how everything is going to be laid out, which might be a little crazy because well really we don't have any furniture. I think tomorrow we're going to go to the Pxtra and see about ordering a bed, then we won't have to sleep on the loaner bed too long. The loaner is only a double and if it's anything like it was in Korea it's going to be rock hard. That I am not looking forward to! But it'll be our house!
I keep telling Nigel we have a house and we'll be moving. He just kind of looks at me blankly, like maybe I've lost my mind and then wagging his stub to humor me. I get the feeling it's very much a "humor the crazy lady" kind of deal. Oh well, he'll see what I mean soon enough!! The thing he's going to have to get used to is no yard, okay maybe I will too, but he'll have to be walked to go outside, not just run out the door.
Well that's today's big excitement. Hopefully we can get our car this weekend. We bought a 1995 Mercedes C200, it's a manual so we get to go through the wife trying to teach the husband how to drive a manual. I've already gotten permission from Seth's sponsor to call him in to teach if I get too frustrated. Seth might want to any way because he has a nice 2009 BMW 123i. Our car won't be much to look at but we can say we've owned a Mercedes and it runs well. That's the important thing, it will get us around while we're here. (We are still talking about purchasing a new BMW sometime down the road before we leave Germany though, so we'll see. How often are we going to have the chance to buy a brand new BMW for the price we could buy a Chevy or a Ford in the US? Not often and since it is our dream car, we're still thinking about it.)
Okay so I'm rambling, that means it's time for bed. When I finally remember to take pictures of the place I'll post them. Hopefully I can fall asleep! I'm still pretty excited!!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Success!! (And a long, semi uninteresting update)
My disclaimer, I've tried a couple of times to get on a put up a new post. I couldn't get blogger to work, the internet was being slow, blah blah blah. So now that I'm FINALLY updating again I feel like this is a major success for me.
It's been over a month since my last blog post, and it's been a busy time! I landed in the US in late January and got to see friends and family while I waited for Seth and Nigel to join me. Oh and shopping. Lots and lots of shopping. I may have gone a little bit overboard, but really I was a lot of fun and I didn't give in to any impulse buying, okay well much impulse buying. Most of the stuff I bought was kitchen stuff that I missed in our kitchen in Korea. No one is probably as excited about the new kitchen stuff as I am so I'll spare everyone the details!
I did get some clothes too. That was fantastic to actually be able to find things my size that I liked and would wear! I also learned how to knit. Which is exciting! I can make stuff now in my free time that the husband and I will use, maybe even a certain doggie we've dragged all over the world. I've been knitting, taking it out when I'm not happy with how it looks, reknitting and eventually being satisfied with the finished product.
Eventually Seth and Nigel joined me mid-February and we began a whirlwind of visiting friends and family. We tried to see as many people as we could and I think we did pretty good, however, I still feel like maybe we didn't get to spend as much time with anyone as we'd liked. But we did what we could in the short amount of time we had. And of course we did a little more shopping. Seth wasn't as excited as I was, but he did enjoy going to stores that hadn't been available to us in Korea and won't be available here in Germany. (At least I tell myself that he did!)
Then we left for Germany. I can not tell you how excited I was when I looked out the window after flying a few hours over the Atlantic and realized I was seeing lights in Europe. It was the beginning of realizing a life long dream. (I'll leave out all the details of the flights because really it was a lot of flying, airports and over priced airport food and drinks.) We landed a little before 6:30am local time and I felt like I'd been up for days. (Have I ever mentioned it's nearly impossible for me to sleep on a plane? I even tried drugging myself with Dramamine!!)
Then it was a lot hurrying up and waiting; Nigel did not travel so well coming to Germany and had a lot of waiting in his kennel. No exaggeration we waited 2 hours for our luggage, well everyone on the flight waited that long for luggage. There are still some kinks to work out in this new system the military has going for coming to Germany. It's a safety thing and I'm not complaining about the military trying to keep my and my family safe, I just hope they get the few issues ironed out. From the way the security guys were talking they're working on it and trying to figure out a better solution so that's good, really good.
Honestly I was so tired I don't remember what all we had to do and how long we had to wait, but we arrived in Schweinfurt about 2:30 pm. We hadn't had lunch, just some snacks that the USO provided. The USO was pretty awesome at Ramstein, I was not pleased with the one in Baltimore as the lady at the desk yelled at me when we walked in because we had Nigel. No signs were posted saying no pets, she didn't come up and talk to me about it, just yelled across the room. So yeah, long day shortened Seth got us food after we checked in and I crashed before 6 and slept until 3:30pm the next day.
I tried to get up! I tried really, really hard but no luck. We had the opportunity to go to Housing and see where we landed on the list, but I just couldn't make it up. Poor Seth had to report somewhere at 10am and start in-processing. (Yet another reason I could never be in the military. Some day I should compile a master list of all the reasons... a project for another day I guess.)
Seth's been in-processing, Nigel and I have been hanging out around the hotel. I try to take him outside for at least half an hour a day and just let him explore. If I sit down on a bench to read, he sits down and watches; he doesn't seem bored, he just watches. He has discovered chasing birds and squirrels. He really wants to catch a squirrel! He doesn't understand why his leash isn't long enough to let him get them. Of course they also run faster than he does so I think even without the leash he wouldn't be able to catch them, alas he thinks he's super cool and could catch them. I let a little dog have his dreams.
We're going through the normal moving process, well normal for military I guess. We're in a room with a mini-fridge and a microwave. I was really hoping for some sort of cooking surface but we got nothin'. So yeah, right now we've been eating a lot of fast food. :/ I'm not so happy about it, I bought a slow cooker but have yet to make a meal because everything I think of making would require things that I just don't have. So if you have ideas, I'm open. We have a can opener, a microwave, a mini-fridge, paper plates, cheap silverware and a slow cooker.
The good news is we got priority on the housing wait list. Back to back overseas tours do rate a little bit here for bumping us up as does the fact that I got to travel with Seth, but that was helped by the fact that we're doing back to back OCONUS tours. We take the test to get our licenses on Thursday, tomorrow, and we're looking for a car. Hopefully we'll have both before this weekend and can get out a little easier and explore our new home. There's a bus system on post, but it runs only every once in a while, about every 45 minutes and just hits the basic spots, so it'd be a LOT of walking on post and the post that we're staying on is not in walking distance to any of the German towns.
I feel like this is a good sum up of where we're at so far and I feel like maybe I'm starting to ramble. So I'm gonna wrap this up. As always I'm open to questions and suggestions. Hopefully we'll be able to explore more this weekend, it is a 4 day! And *fingers crossed* we'll have a car.
It's been over a month since my last blog post, and it's been a busy time! I landed in the US in late January and got to see friends and family while I waited for Seth and Nigel to join me. Oh and shopping. Lots and lots of shopping. I may have gone a little bit overboard, but really I was a lot of fun and I didn't give in to any impulse buying, okay well much impulse buying. Most of the stuff I bought was kitchen stuff that I missed in our kitchen in Korea. No one is probably as excited about the new kitchen stuff as I am so I'll spare everyone the details!
I did get some clothes too. That was fantastic to actually be able to find things my size that I liked and would wear! I also learned how to knit. Which is exciting! I can make stuff now in my free time that the husband and I will use, maybe even a certain doggie we've dragged all over the world. I've been knitting, taking it out when I'm not happy with how it looks, reknitting and eventually being satisfied with the finished product.
Eventually Seth and Nigel joined me mid-February and we began a whirlwind of visiting friends and family. We tried to see as many people as we could and I think we did pretty good, however, I still feel like maybe we didn't get to spend as much time with anyone as we'd liked. But we did what we could in the short amount of time we had. And of course we did a little more shopping. Seth wasn't as excited as I was, but he did enjoy going to stores that hadn't been available to us in Korea and won't be available here in Germany. (At least I tell myself that he did!)
Then we left for Germany. I can not tell you how excited I was when I looked out the window after flying a few hours over the Atlantic and realized I was seeing lights in Europe. It was the beginning of realizing a life long dream. (I'll leave out all the details of the flights because really it was a lot of flying, airports and over priced airport food and drinks.) We landed a little before 6:30am local time and I felt like I'd been up for days. (Have I ever mentioned it's nearly impossible for me to sleep on a plane? I even tried drugging myself with Dramamine!!)
Then it was a lot hurrying up and waiting; Nigel did not travel so well coming to Germany and had a lot of waiting in his kennel. No exaggeration we waited 2 hours for our luggage, well everyone on the flight waited that long for luggage. There are still some kinks to work out in this new system the military has going for coming to Germany. It's a safety thing and I'm not complaining about the military trying to keep my and my family safe, I just hope they get the few issues ironed out. From the way the security guys were talking they're working on it and trying to figure out a better solution so that's good, really good.
Honestly I was so tired I don't remember what all we had to do and how long we had to wait, but we arrived in Schweinfurt about 2:30 pm. We hadn't had lunch, just some snacks that the USO provided. The USO was pretty awesome at Ramstein, I was not pleased with the one in Baltimore as the lady at the desk yelled at me when we walked in because we had Nigel. No signs were posted saying no pets, she didn't come up and talk to me about it, just yelled across the room. So yeah, long day shortened Seth got us food after we checked in and I crashed before 6 and slept until 3:30pm the next day.
I tried to get up! I tried really, really hard but no luck. We had the opportunity to go to Housing and see where we landed on the list, but I just couldn't make it up. Poor Seth had to report somewhere at 10am and start in-processing. (Yet another reason I could never be in the military. Some day I should compile a master list of all the reasons... a project for another day I guess.)
Seth's been in-processing, Nigel and I have been hanging out around the hotel. I try to take him outside for at least half an hour a day and just let him explore. If I sit down on a bench to read, he sits down and watches; he doesn't seem bored, he just watches. He has discovered chasing birds and squirrels. He really wants to catch a squirrel! He doesn't understand why his leash isn't long enough to let him get them. Of course they also run faster than he does so I think even without the leash he wouldn't be able to catch them, alas he thinks he's super cool and could catch them. I let a little dog have his dreams.
We're going through the normal moving process, well normal for military I guess. We're in a room with a mini-fridge and a microwave. I was really hoping for some sort of cooking surface but we got nothin'. So yeah, right now we've been eating a lot of fast food. :/ I'm not so happy about it, I bought a slow cooker but have yet to make a meal because everything I think of making would require things that I just don't have. So if you have ideas, I'm open. We have a can opener, a microwave, a mini-fridge, paper plates, cheap silverware and a slow cooker.
The good news is we got priority on the housing wait list. Back to back overseas tours do rate a little bit here for bumping us up as does the fact that I got to travel with Seth, but that was helped by the fact that we're doing back to back OCONUS tours. We take the test to get our licenses on Thursday, tomorrow, and we're looking for a car. Hopefully we'll have both before this weekend and can get out a little easier and explore our new home. There's a bus system on post, but it runs only every once in a while, about every 45 minutes and just hits the basic spots, so it'd be a LOT of walking on post and the post that we're staying on is not in walking distance to any of the German towns.
I feel like this is a good sum up of where we're at so far and I feel like maybe I'm starting to ramble. So I'm gonna wrap this up. As always I'm open to questions and suggestions. Hopefully we'll be able to explore more this weekend, it is a 4 day! And *fingers crossed* we'll have a car.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Busy Month...
So I am actually back in the US and have been for about a week. It has been awesome to be back!! There are so many things I've been able to do already that I've been missing and of course seeing family and soon my friends.
I'm feeling a lot better personally and enjoying my time. I have so much planned and so much going on that I haven't been blogging. But that's okay. I just wanted to put up a quick message that I haven't written off my blog. I just haven't written on my blog.
Things will probably be pretty scarce here until I get settled in Germany. I am so excited to get to Germany!! But for now I'm enjoying my time in the US and the time with my friends and family.
I'm feeling a lot better personally and enjoying my time. I have so much planned and so much going on that I haven't been blogging. But that's okay. I just wanted to put up a quick message that I haven't written off my blog. I just haven't written on my blog.
Things will probably be pretty scarce here until I get settled in Germany. I am so excited to get to Germany!! But for now I'm enjoying my time in the US and the time with my friends and family.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I didn't forget about my blog!
I promise, I'm not ignoring what I set out to do with this blog. I just have been really negative lately and I've been trying not to spread it. We're supposed to have orders because we're supposed to leave in 20 days, and we don't. So I'm worried we're not going to have enough time to get everything we need to do done. In the military orders are the magic that lets you get things done.
There are a million little excuses why we don't have orders yet and I'm getting sick of all of them. I'm angry, I'm frustrated beyond belief and, honestly, I just want to get the fuck out of Korea. (Yes it's bad enough that I feel the need to swear and use unrefined language to express my feelings.) So I've been miserable and the lack of orders combined with a couple of things I thought were going to happen that didn't I've just been really negative. So I've been keeping to myself, trying to read and playing lots of Skyrim to beat up dragons.
The frustration has blocked my creative juices. *sigh* I feel like we're going to be stuck in my own personal hell hole forever. *le sigh*
There are a million little excuses why we don't have orders yet and I'm getting sick of all of them. I'm angry, I'm frustrated beyond belief and, honestly, I just want to get the fuck out of Korea. (Yes it's bad enough that I feel the need to swear and use unrefined language to express my feelings.) So I've been miserable and the lack of orders combined with a couple of things I thought were going to happen that didn't I've just been really negative. So I've been keeping to myself, trying to read and playing lots of Skyrim to beat up dragons.
The frustration has blocked my creative juices. *sigh* I feel like we're going to be stuck in my own personal hell hole forever. *le sigh*
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
When I was Young I Wanted to Grow Up...
The jokes about why did I want to grow up have more to them than I'd like to admit. Having someone pay for everything, do everything of significance for you and not having to make the tough decisions is quite the easy life. Why did I want to leave that behind? Oh yeah because I wanted to buy what I wanted, do things for myself and not have my decisions made for me when I thought I new best. In the long run I think it's best that we grow up, I don't think I'd really enjoy being my 7 year-old self forever. This would be doubly true if I had to go back to knowing only what I knew at 7, because I wouldn't be able to appreciate the simplicity of my life.
In a way I think that's one of life's greatest rewards, learning when to appreciate simplicity and when to appreciate the complex nature of what you have to face. It is one of the harder concepts I find to grasp right now. Some how over the years I've let the complex be too complex, I let it all over whelm me so it seems as if life is giving me too much all at once; the simple becomes all I search out. The simple all the time bores me. I used to enjoy a good challenge, I used to crave solving the puzzle and making everything work.
I miss that.
I'm still coming to terms with why I let that part of myself go. I ask myself is it gone forever? Will I ever enjoy a challenge again? Or have I doomed myself to a life where I get bored with the simple I place in front of myself. I'm not looking to actively seek out something completely ridiculously difficult just because it is complex and difficult. I also firmly believe that I'm still looking for my place, my niche. I have lost some of my self identity or at the very least have convinced myself I have. I let some things get to me and continue to get to me from my past. And it's not that I haven't come to grips with those events, but just that I'm not sure how to let them shape me.
So I'm resisting letting my past influence my life. The only problem with that is I don't think it works. These things happened, I lived through them. Sometimes I lived through them with grace, other times I lived through them like a 2 year-old child fighting and screaming before nap time. So at last I'm willing to face the reality that they will shape my life, they will change me. I need to decide how they will do so. I need to take control of my emotions, feelings, and reactions to dictate who they make me. Only when I really accept what happened do I think I can be ready to face a challenge. Then I will be able to accept life as it comes to me instead of searching for the easy way out.
Enough philosophizing for now, how about a funny Nigel anecdote. Today the Husband gave Nigel a bath. It's chilly here in Korea, and well Nigel seems to be a wimp about the cold. In order to keep our heating bill relatively sane we keep the heating set at 20 degrees Celsius. I don't know what that is in Fahrenheit and honestly I don't want to. With as drafty and poorly insulated as our place is I know that the actual temperature in the house is not 20.
Nigel's bath was about 5pm, the sun was going down and we knew it'd be a little cold outside. So we had Nigel go outside and do his business before his bath. Seth bathed him and brought him out after towel drying him. (Note: Nigel is scared of the hair dryer so we can not blow dry him without him freaking out.) Nigel does his wet dog routine, running around rubbing on stuff to dry himself and shaking trying to rid his fur of water. Then he settles down and starts shivering.
As mentioned above, Nigel is a wimp about the cold. His coat is fairly fine and doesn't seem to hold his body heat well. He was laying between Seth and I on the couch just shaking. We put a blanket over him and that still didn't warm him up enough. He ended up cuddling on Seth's lap, with a blanket over him. Then two blankets. The dog was still freezing. Now at this point we figured he HAD to be faking. So I reaching under all the blankets to feel his fur and see how warm he felt. He didn't, he felt room temperature.
We had been making fun of him for being a wimp and he was really cold. His little doggie teeth were even chattering. I felt horrible. So to warm up my dog, who has fur on every inch of his body, I broke put the heating pad. I turned it on high, place in under the blankets and let it work it's magic to warm Nigel up. The funny part is, that we used a heating pad on our dog. Not funny ha ha, but funny in an ironic sort of way. The furry, fluffy dog had to be warmed by a pile of blankets and a heating pad. Now you know not to believe him when he tries to act all tough. Nigel's krytonite is cold.
In a way I think that's one of life's greatest rewards, learning when to appreciate simplicity and when to appreciate the complex nature of what you have to face. It is one of the harder concepts I find to grasp right now. Some how over the years I've let the complex be too complex, I let it all over whelm me so it seems as if life is giving me too much all at once; the simple becomes all I search out. The simple all the time bores me. I used to enjoy a good challenge, I used to crave solving the puzzle and making everything work.
I miss that.
I'm still coming to terms with why I let that part of myself go. I ask myself is it gone forever? Will I ever enjoy a challenge again? Or have I doomed myself to a life where I get bored with the simple I place in front of myself. I'm not looking to actively seek out something completely ridiculously difficult just because it is complex and difficult. I also firmly believe that I'm still looking for my place, my niche. I have lost some of my self identity or at the very least have convinced myself I have. I let some things get to me and continue to get to me from my past. And it's not that I haven't come to grips with those events, but just that I'm not sure how to let them shape me.
So I'm resisting letting my past influence my life. The only problem with that is I don't think it works. These things happened, I lived through them. Sometimes I lived through them with grace, other times I lived through them like a 2 year-old child fighting and screaming before nap time. So at last I'm willing to face the reality that they will shape my life, they will change me. I need to decide how they will do so. I need to take control of my emotions, feelings, and reactions to dictate who they make me. Only when I really accept what happened do I think I can be ready to face a challenge. Then I will be able to accept life as it comes to me instead of searching for the easy way out.
Enough philosophizing for now, how about a funny Nigel anecdote. Today the Husband gave Nigel a bath. It's chilly here in Korea, and well Nigel seems to be a wimp about the cold. In order to keep our heating bill relatively sane we keep the heating set at 20 degrees Celsius. I don't know what that is in Fahrenheit and honestly I don't want to. With as drafty and poorly insulated as our place is I know that the actual temperature in the house is not 20.
Nigel's bath was about 5pm, the sun was going down and we knew it'd be a little cold outside. So we had Nigel go outside and do his business before his bath. Seth bathed him and brought him out after towel drying him. (Note: Nigel is scared of the hair dryer so we can not blow dry him without him freaking out.) Nigel does his wet dog routine, running around rubbing on stuff to dry himself and shaking trying to rid his fur of water. Then he settles down and starts shivering.
As mentioned above, Nigel is a wimp about the cold. His coat is fairly fine and doesn't seem to hold his body heat well. He was laying between Seth and I on the couch just shaking. We put a blanket over him and that still didn't warm him up enough. He ended up cuddling on Seth's lap, with a blanket over him. Then two blankets. The dog was still freezing. Now at this point we figured he HAD to be faking. So I reaching under all the blankets to feel his fur and see how warm he felt. He didn't, he felt room temperature.
We had been making fun of him for being a wimp and he was really cold. His little doggie teeth were even chattering. I felt horrible. So to warm up my dog, who has fur on every inch of his body, I broke put the heating pad. I turned it on high, place in under the blankets and let it work it's magic to warm Nigel up. The funny part is, that we used a heating pad on our dog. Not funny ha ha, but funny in an ironic sort of way. The furry, fluffy dog had to be warmed by a pile of blankets and a heating pad. Now you know not to believe him when he tries to act all tough. Nigel's krytonite is cold.
Monday, January 16, 2012
My Grandmother
If you're a Facebook friend of mine then you may already know my Gramma passed away Saturday. You probably also know that I've been stressed out over the fact she was sick and I wasn't able to be in Iowa with her or the rest of my family. She had cancer and was in hospice for the past couple of months being made comfortable.
What you may not know is that I'm happy she has passed. I love my Gramma Audrey very much, so much that I am able to be happy that she is no longer suffering. Now I have to admit that it feels wrong to be glad she is gone, but after sorting through my emotions over the past 12 hours since I talked to Mom I realize that mostly I am relieved, grateful and happy for her. I'm almost scared to type this out because I'm afraid I will be ostracized for feeling this way, in fact I have already deleted multiple sentences defending my feelings. I am not going to do that.
I wasn't able to be in Iowa at her bedside but I did get regular updates from Mom. Gramma was in pain and unable to really be herself. She wasn't able to do much at all. She was suffering. Now she is not. I believe in God, Heaven and an eternal soul, this belief is comforting me right now. I believe that Gramma is in Heaven. I'm not going to get preachy or impose my beliefs on anyone. I only mention it because my personal beliefs allow me peace and comfort right now as I know that she is in a better place. I don't want to be sad that she is no longer here, because I wouldn't want anyone, especially someone I love, to continue to be in severe pain.
To be clear, I am going to miss her; she was an amazing woman. I mourn the loss of her presence for my family. I feel for my Dad, my aunt and my uncles for losing their mother. I'm not completely void of human decency. I feel sad that I won't ever get to hear her call me Laura Lou again or watch her as she yells at my Grampa for having uncanny luck at Pitch while he sits there laughing and smiling. (She would at times reach over and smack him while he did this.) I will always remember her watching me while Dad was in Korea and Mom was at work, going to her house after school and having a snack of chocolate chip cookie bars and a 16 oz bottle of Pepsi. I'll never forget that the first time I realized grandparents were smart people with wit and a sense of humor was hearing Gramma make a comment directed at my Grampa. (I was about 12 and my jaw dropped while all the adults around the card table laughed heartily. To this day I'm not sure if they were laughing at my open mouth or Gramma's smart-ass comeback.) I'll never forget that she always thought I used obscene amounts of sugar in my iced tea, which I did, but never stopped me from adding more.
Gramma wasn't the cuddly, climb on her lap to get a story type of grandmother, but she did always make sure that each of her grandkids had something that made them feel special. She taught me how to lose graciously at cards but still have a ton of fun doing it. It was from her I remember hearing stories about Daddy and his siblings misbehaving and then watching her watch them as they hashed it out between them who actually committed the crime while the other sibling or siblings got the punishment. She taught me that sometimes you didn't always get exactly what you wanted, but had to do some work. Gramma Audrey didn't coddle us grandkids just because we were grandchildren, we had to wash dishes and clean up.
I don't have an idealized version of her that I put up on a pedestal, she was a real human. I didn't always like her, what she had to say or what she made me do. But I will always love her. I will always respect her. I am thankful she is my Gramma. I wasn't able to see her after she was diagnosed as terminal and I won't make it to the funeral, but I'm okay with that. I was part of her life and she is part of mine. She's my Gramma and I firmly believe she's watching over me know telling me not to mourn her passing, but to celebrate her life.
Your Laura Lou loves you Gramma. I always have and I always will. Thank you for being part of my life. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
What you may not know is that I'm happy she has passed. I love my Gramma Audrey very much, so much that I am able to be happy that she is no longer suffering. Now I have to admit that it feels wrong to be glad she is gone, but after sorting through my emotions over the past 12 hours since I talked to Mom I realize that mostly I am relieved, grateful and happy for her. I'm almost scared to type this out because I'm afraid I will be ostracized for feeling this way, in fact I have already deleted multiple sentences defending my feelings. I am not going to do that.
I wasn't able to be in Iowa at her bedside but I did get regular updates from Mom. Gramma was in pain and unable to really be herself. She wasn't able to do much at all. She was suffering. Now she is not. I believe in God, Heaven and an eternal soul, this belief is comforting me right now. I believe that Gramma is in Heaven. I'm not going to get preachy or impose my beliefs on anyone. I only mention it because my personal beliefs allow me peace and comfort right now as I know that she is in a better place. I don't want to be sad that she is no longer here, because I wouldn't want anyone, especially someone I love, to continue to be in severe pain.
To be clear, I am going to miss her; she was an amazing woman. I mourn the loss of her presence for my family. I feel for my Dad, my aunt and my uncles for losing their mother. I'm not completely void of human decency. I feel sad that I won't ever get to hear her call me Laura Lou again or watch her as she yells at my Grampa for having uncanny luck at Pitch while he sits there laughing and smiling. (She would at times reach over and smack him while he did this.) I will always remember her watching me while Dad was in Korea and Mom was at work, going to her house after school and having a snack of chocolate chip cookie bars and a 16 oz bottle of Pepsi. I'll never forget that the first time I realized grandparents were smart people with wit and a sense of humor was hearing Gramma make a comment directed at my Grampa. (I was about 12 and my jaw dropped while all the adults around the card table laughed heartily. To this day I'm not sure if they were laughing at my open mouth or Gramma's smart-ass comeback.) I'll never forget that she always thought I used obscene amounts of sugar in my iced tea, which I did, but never stopped me from adding more.
Gramma wasn't the cuddly, climb on her lap to get a story type of grandmother, but she did always make sure that each of her grandkids had something that made them feel special. She taught me how to lose graciously at cards but still have a ton of fun doing it. It was from her I remember hearing stories about Daddy and his siblings misbehaving and then watching her watch them as they hashed it out between them who actually committed the crime while the other sibling or siblings got the punishment. She taught me that sometimes you didn't always get exactly what you wanted, but had to do some work. Gramma Audrey didn't coddle us grandkids just because we were grandchildren, we had to wash dishes and clean up.
I don't have an idealized version of her that I put up on a pedestal, she was a real human. I didn't always like her, what she had to say or what she made me do. But I will always love her. I will always respect her. I am thankful she is my Gramma. I wasn't able to see her after she was diagnosed as terminal and I won't make it to the funeral, but I'm okay with that. I was part of her life and she is part of mine. She's my Gramma and I firmly believe she's watching over me know telling me not to mourn her passing, but to celebrate her life.
Your Laura Lou loves you Gramma. I always have and I always will. Thank you for being part of my life. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
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